Ilovesummer

@Kninchen: To be honest, if it is not too bad if one does not know it, I had no clue what this forum is. It is more than 8 years that I am far far away from the virtual discussions and forums in internet. I was searching for some related stuff in internet ad it brought me here and then I thought it would be nice to ask my question here… so it was completely accidental… this is however interesting that you see it positive, for me it was 100% negative, not denying that shy guys are more attractive to me… but when it goes to problem management, I need a bit more strength in it… @ experienced: This was really funny and interesting… Well, to some extent you are right and to some extent not! As I mentioned before I am very much against generalization but if I want to talk about typical Persian guys… they can be very nice, gentleman, loving, caring, romantic, etc esp if they fall in love but the problem I had with my typical Persian boyfriends was their jealousy and also they not being honest… most of arguments are related to these two issue… to most of them, lying to keep the person or to avoid annoying them is a very common justified thing to do! Regarding your statement in that thesis that conflicts are usually not negotiated in families, I guess this is not true about young educated generation… but for the previous generation it has been to a high extent true! Then you said my attitude toward the function of argument seems contradictory to what you know… well as I said firstly for young educated people, they tend to be different, second I do not consider myself a typical Persian girl… not saying I am better than the others but I just try to make my personality out of any border… it might be because of what I study, because of my uncle who had a great impact on my life –as I never had a good relationship with my dad, he was to me as a replacement and I spent most of my childhood with him- he is amazing in negotiation and discussion, one can discuss with him for hours without getting mad or upset! Or it might be because of my very multicultural previous relationships and affairs… for any of these reasons or a combination of them, I am like that now! However I should admit that I read this part of your comment with very big eyes I was 24 when I left Iran, how on earth could I be single till 24?! Well no, here you are wrong… I dated many guys back home and started a relationship with three of them… although many things are sanctioned back there by government, but people anyhow do what they want! What you described is the traditional style of living in Iran… it is also important from which part of Iran you are, Tehran or other big cities have a very different story from the smaller ones…. Apart from living with boyfriend in the same house before marriage, the rest are completely common and normal in big cities… So I had relationships back home, I had sex, I haven’t lived with my parents since I am 19 and I used to live with my boyfriend when we were together… it also depends from which family you come… if they are conservative or religious, you might find it hard to do these things, and basically what happens at the end, is that you do them but in secret… that thanks god I didn’t have this problem as my family are quite open… " My question is rather: what did you do? how did you do it? Did you smash plates or hit the guy? Anything like this? Shouting should be still in the range of the acceptable, depending upon the reason. But certainly not for a discussion of where to go on holidays ...." This part made me really laugh out loud … not because of what you said, I was just imagining myself doing them… no I never did these things… well if you read post #25, you will get your answer, I didn’t even shout… I just told him with lowest possible volume that “it was the last thing I would have expect you to do” and then I left as I prefer not to talk when I am angry or upset… to have things under control and not to ruin it in a way that you cannot build it up again… but this was probably still too much for him :D And regarding your last point in German, I can confirm that women have little rights comparing to men by law… but this is again government and law… not family relationships which are very much the opposite… DerGAUNER: that could be a possible answer for what he did… But hell no! I do not want to be with someone who has no stable personality, at one point he wants it over and the other point he wants me back… I am not a toy! So there is no third chance! No matter how much I like him! And btw this is what I call being rational! That even if you like someone but you see no future or no way to work it out, you should just finish it forever, and not playing a game of fight between heart and logic and changing your mind every second! But apparently our definitions are very different… @LegallyHot: maybe my main difference from your point of view is that I do not call it a fight… I call sth a fight if it includes any of the following: hitting, breaking things, swearing, or shouting… none of these happened… so I define it as an “argument” … basically not only I educate them beforehand about the culture, but I also inform them about my own personality and characteristic…so fair enough, from the very first date we had, he knew that I am a girl who just leaves for a few hours or sth after an argument to just calm down and can speak rationally! I hope I was clear enough ;) @ Skf: du brauchst nicht mich verarschen, ich spreche Deutsch aber nicht so toll! So glaub mir, wenn ich auf deutsch schreibe, wuerdest du mehr mich verarschen! ;) @ Elia: this is the third time i am repeating this ;)... I am the last person who would generalize… but there are some stuff which are typical in most of people in a country and people of that country would know it better than me as a foreigner, so I just ASKED it here to see if I am missing a point… just wanted to see if this is normal and common here or not… @janeway: well I am by nature dominant… so I don’t need to play anything… and this is something that some guys appreciate and some hate! @DrButterface and allen Snyder: from my experience with my German girlfriends, they told me very often that they prefer dominant guys but they are pushed by guys to act strong and dominant as this is what guys like… but a few friends cannot be representative, maybe it was just their opinion… Germans here probably can give you a better answer…

@Jaqan: i know you didn't... i just wanted to ascertain everybody why they should assume i am telling the truth... @DerGAUNER: i got it up to now that you guys consider an argument a drama and with the greatest respect i am happy that not everybody in this world think the same. I do not even see this as a cultural difference since i talked to my German girlfriends and they all even told me that i did not even need to apologize as it was very normal and i did not react bad to what happened... i think it is more a gender difference than a cultural one but anyhow i got this point and no discussion about that... However i haven't got any answer for the second part... can anybody justify how this can be assumed as rational? If he thought this is drama and so on and he cannot deal with it, then he had to break up!! But he did not! Even when i tried to help him with it in case he is shy, he did not do it... he kept on texting and calling me that he wants to see me and talk to me...and then more interestingly never came and talked in the reality... or let's see how you call this person rational and me emotional in this: after all happened and as i said i did not reply him the last time... i saw him again as we work together and he asked me if i would go with him to the wedding of his best friend!!! So apparently it was not over for him...he just couldn't make any decision...like he didn't know himself what he wanted. And i answered NO as my LOGIC said it is already over... so if you say this guy has been rational and i am emotional i should really assume i come from a different planet... About your theory of TE: seriously... no comment!!

@Kuddel: I burst into laughter with that clip... British humor is the best humor! What makes me find these guys?! No clue! I hope it was just bad luck! @McMayhem: I think you didn't get my point... people might think different...it might have been a big deal for him while it was not for me... but all I meant was with the fact that apparently he could not make up his mind... He did not know if he should stay with me but he could not break up either! This was my problem that I cannot understand! This is what I call weakness! And this is what I call not being rational... and your comment about Iran... Well basically I have no answer for that if you think I am a politician!!! @Jagan H'ghar: Thanks... but basically there is no reason that i lie... nobody knows me here and i don't get anything of it at the end of the day!!

Ok I try to answer all questions together as apparently I cannot post more than once in an hour. I am 26 and from Iran… When I got here about two years ago I met a guy who was half Italian half American… We got along very well and basically I did not have these kinds of problem with him at all… And before one makes any judgment, we had to break up for a reason which was way different from this… after him, I dated a few Germans and as they all shared the same thing (maybe accidently), they brought me to a point to post here… It was not long since I was dating him but once we did, everything happened very fast and he even invited me to the wedding of his best friend! It was too long that’s why I didn’t say… but here it is: I thought by mistake that he is seeing another girl or is with someone else at the same time. No I did not shout or sth like that. The only thing I did was that I left him at that moment as I assume it is better not to talk when I am angry… he texted me and explained everything that: yeah she is an ex and we are not together for over a year and so on but she keeps chasing me as she cannot let it go. And I texted him back that even if this is the truth, I see no reason that he did hide it. Anyhow the next day he texted me “I am very sad, please understand there is nothing there, if you want I can give you her number and you can talk to her” …with this message and when I thought more about the whole thing, I realized that he is telling the truth so I just called him and said I am not mad anymore but we need to talk. So he came to my place and for me the argument was over and I just wanted to tell him that if he shares these kinds of things it is better as I wont be shocked when I realize it. And I also apologized for my emotional reaction. But then he acted very strange… he was very sad, red, and could hardly talk… he said: “I had too much argument and fight in my last relationship, almost every day, and don’t want it again… it was too early for an argument… I don’t know if we can go on like before, etc… but the problem is that I am in love with you” well the only thing I could interpret from this was that his logic says no because he is afraid of arguments but his emotion says yes… it was hard for me to take it and I told him, if you really start doubting only after one argument, you don’t need to think more about it… and then he left and to me it was really over but here came the interesting part: he texted me after a few hours again saying that he is very sad with what happened, he thought I am the right girl for him and that I did not understand what he wanted to say and he wants to explain why he is afraid and so on… I told him ok if you think there is anything else you wanna say you can come and talk. Then he didn’t reply! and after a week he asked me if I have time so he comes and talks. I said yes, we arranged a day, but he didn’t come… he repeated this 3 times so I really felt sick of it and the last time he asked me if I have time to talk to him I did not reply anymore…it was already three weeks he was telling me he wants to talk but he never came… to me it sounded very weak that one needs such a long time to solve a problem or even talk about it… if he wanted to finish it, I already helped him with it, but why he texted me again and again… and if he wanted to go on, why he never came! It was like he cannot make up his mind… Well, to be honest it is a bit confusing… So what I got from your answers, it is very negative if you have an argument with a German guy in the beginning of a relationship… this is a bit difficult because nobody guarantees when the first argument happens! I mean it depends on the situation and what happens… one might argue after a week, a month, or a year! You cannot anticipate it! I mean a girl would react at any time when she feels being cheated or fooled… it doesn’t matter when it happens. And I did not even react horrible like shouting or swearing or whatever! @Am0rln0 did I get you right? you just tried to insult me?! Sorry if it is too long, just anted to answer all questions

Thanks for youranswer. I see your point. I just think in the beginning when we do not know each other, we do not have any idea what goes on the other person's nerve and we cannot still trust each other 100% there is a higher chance of arguments. About the second point you made, well he had his friends and hobbies but he took me with him there... but he being so emotionally involved too quickly made me scared too! @koma : i thought the same once but when i looked back at other relationships or dates i had which were with different nationalities, i never faced this problem... @ zig ziglar well your answer was a bit harsh... but firstly you should not make any prejudgement... i do study and work in English so basically there was not a lot of time left for learning German... apart from that i do speak German but is a bit difficult to write in German, plus i was afraid i cannot express myself properly. Secondly, why do you think i post this? If you read completely you see that i have a question! It was not a statement... i said i dont know if they are all like that or jut those that i met... generalization would be the last thing i would do... finally i didnt even mention that they left me! It was your interpretation... well i dont want to say i am perfect but you dont even know me and my personality... i wonder how you could judge... anyhow thanks for your answer...

Hallo alles. I hope it is not against the rules that i am writing in English...since my German is not really perfect... Something is making my mind busy and that's why i just registered here to get some opinion. I am an intrnational student studying and working in Germany since 2 years ago. I basically liked to see how German guys are in relationship and so I tried it. Well it has always been easy for me to find guys as mostly they find me very attractive. So I met a couple of guys in this period (all of them really nice people) and they all fell in love with me but we could never stay together after all. It is now getting a bit weird... i like many things in German guys and I really wanted to start a stable relationship with one as far as i am here. I thought in the beginning that language barrier would be a big problem but it was not... they could all speak English or they had enough patience with my German... however i found all of them very weak once it goes to arguments... all relationships include arguments or fights, esp in the beginning as you do not know the other person entirely. But it seems they cannot handel it at all or thy think it is too early to hve an argument... i mean now i am getting a bit disappointed and thinking mybe i should stop dating Germans... which is a shame because i see they are really good in many other stuff. I just wnted to see if the majority are like that or just those that i met!! Like the very recent one was a guy i was dating for about a month... it was going really great and obviously he fell in love with me very fast up to a point that he introduced me to his sister and brother, his parent, all his friends, he was visiting me every day, spending a lot of time with me, and even saying he loves me... but we had a big argument and he could never manage it... up to a point that we stopped seeing each other. I dont want to think i come from another planet but how can a guy just give up so fast and so stupid if he is this much in love? Just because of one argument... i mean sometimes i think i really cannot understand them? Don't Germans have big arguments in the beginning of their relationship? And if they have, can they fix it? Or is it just the girl's responsibility to fix it? I am just a bit confused and would be great if you could share your opinion... Sorry again that i wrote in English...