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[Gast]

I’m not exactly drunk,

I’m totally sober, and yet drunk on the night.

 

I’ve been invited to a party tonight.

I’ve been invited to another party tonight.

I was on the first party and left early to get to the second party.

 

There was this girl.

I haven’t been interested in her.

A friend of mine has, in some way.

 

I was doing whatever I did.

Being who I was.

People consider me to be crazy.

But in an interesting way, I guess.

I talk shit.

A lot.

Really.

A Lot.

 

Well this girl wanted to go out.

Dancing. She really wanted it and convinced my friend and the birthday-girl.

After it looked like every cool cool person was about to leave, I decided to join.

Well since the birthday girl backed off and everybody else to, it was just the three of us.

Me friend, that girl, and me.

 

We were in that club.

I hate clubs.

Or … I don’t feel fine in clubs.

I don’t like dancing.

 

Well, that girl payed me a drink.

A coke. I don’t drink.

 

And then it came over me again: I have no idea what to do in a club.

I was standing there.

My friend was socializing.

She was standing with me, talking to me about her feeling that he’s a depressed man, That he’s really not fine at all. She could see it. 

Well, he was a bit too much “party” for me.

 

I’m fine with not liking clubs.

Or maybe I’m not.

I’m in a more or less steady relationship.

“Love” is a big word. A word we don’t use, because we’re too cool for it.

Or maybe because we’s not ready. She hasn’t used that word with her first two boyfriends, and with her last boyfriend, she just “joined” him using it.

I’m an “I love you”-Bitch. Fast with the words. But I haven’t used it for quite some time now.

I’m not sure if I love her.

But it’s more or less serious.

So I’m really fine with the relationship-thing.

 

It’s an open relationship.

I’ve had my story (but it kind of dried out since the sex was not exactly … interesting?).

She has her story. Actually dangerous, because he’s her ex.

On the other hand, not really, because it’s only running in theory. They haven’t seen each other for months and they haven’t had sex for abut a year. So actually … whatever.

She’s far away anyway. Long distance, but it’s working fine between the two of us. Long term changes are planned. Really planned, not just a lazy “yeah, we will do something about it. Maybe”.

 

So I’m in a club.

Openminded for some action.

Looking however I look, with my pros and cons.

I’m fine with my looks.

And I stand there.

And I stand there.

And she’s talking to me about my friend.

I kind of get the point.

He’s talking to me about her.

Some random dude keeps close to me.

I think he’s gay.

The music is loud.

Really loud.

She gets drunk and talk about … I don’t know. I don’t care.

He gets drunk.

They start making out.

and I stand.

I’m actually fine.

Bored a bit.

 

I talk a lot in my live.

Really.

A lot.

I do a lot.

I’m okay.

But in the Club I stand there. Bored.

I don’t fake “party”.

Sometimes I do it a little bit, but I don’t like acting all party, when I’m bored.

 

I don’t fuck a lot outside my relationship.

I mean in a general, not this open relationship in particular.

I’m okay with “girlfriends”, but when it comes to simple meaningless sex,

when it comes to going to a club, staying up all night to get lucky,

I’m not.

 

I’ve got this feeling that it’s just this tiny thing I am missing.

This tiny thing, and I would be fine in clubs.

Really just this tiny thing that might be a whole world.

It might be a totally different character.

I might be a totally different world.

But I’m okay with people.

I’m not overlooked in any party of my live.

I’m fine.

And I really, really love the way I am now.

People like me.

Some hate me.

I guess that’s live.

But I don’t fuck a lot outside my relationships.

I don’t pick up girls.

 

It might be… that I don’t escalate.

It certainly is that I don’t approach.

But why is it that way?

I’m usually self-confident.

I’m cocky, I’m a bit crazy,

people are in fact interested in me. They state it directly, they talk about me, they wonder why people talk about me, sometimes a girl even falls in love with me (which is not always cool).

But in the club, I don’t feel “home”.

I don’t do a lot. I’m not “scared” I just have no clue what to do.

And I stand there.

 

Well, usually people come to talk to me. I don’t approach people at all a lot.

Just hen I’m in the mood to. And I don’t want to do stuff, I don’t want to do in the moment.

But when I’m in “my” mood, I’m fine with stuff.

But well…

It’s just: there is so little missing. I can feel it. It’s so little that is missing.

 

But why don’t I approach?

And why don’t I escalate?

[DerAFC2.0 77]

Ich dachte wir sind hier in einem deutschsprachigen Forum.

[Gast]

I don't care. :)
I love it!

[Daygame Seducer 114]

 

Too drunk :D